Will You Be My Maid Of Honor?

i just got home from seeing maid of honor with my mom. it was a cliche feelgood chickflick kind of movie where the 1 in a million finds true love, everything works out and they live happily ever after.
i was reflecting
looking through the glass
and i realized
that my life is like one big puzzle
that i know i have to slove
except
i don't have the right pieces
and trying to shove them all togther
just so i can find my happy
isn't working anymore

you know that age old saying that people use when ur sad because something or everything is changing? the one about how when one door closes another opens. i feel like every door around me is slamming shut and somehow i can't find those doors that should be opening. i don't like change. i can't stand it and what i hate more is that i always thought that i could go with change but i take advange of the constants in my life. i don't like the feeling of drowing because i can't stop anything and what's worse is the fact that i can't tell anybody because i hate needing people. i hate having to depend on people because i think i should be able to take care of myself but i just can't do it. it makes me feel weak and i hate it.