im sitting here in my infinite wisdom having fully completed my night of dance, homework, preparation for tomorrow, and my checklist (yes i actually make those- i know i know! so lame...) to a warm bed, fuzzy socks, and my favorite pair of oversized SJ gym shorts. i have realized that i am somewhat communication incompetent. i try so hard to keep in touch with people but fail miserably. i now live by my phone and texts and facebook to keep up with and track the daily happenings of the people i like, and even some that i don't. somehow i am in constant communication with them but never actually am. just like every other teen i'm so self absorbed that i could really care less what ur doing. what i have to do, where i need to be, how i did on this test, or when is that homework due is so much more important and i don't have the time or better yet energy to breath, stop, and talk. i simply let those moments fly by and most of the time miss important things- things i would want people to notice if it were me- like if i'm having a bad day or if i'm so upset or maybe really happy i want everybody else to notice but not visa verse.  i never really stop to type a long email to a friend so that we distance ourselves even though we could talk for hours if i gave up the time. i never really call a person just rejoice or console them through a text and what does that even help? i just can't find time in my busy checklist of a life for the people that really matter. i have lost perspective of that. the fact is that to know a person can become one of ur friends ur relationship cannot solely be based upon emails and facebook chats. the way u interact and bond with them IN PERSON is essential to friendship. friends can chat on facebook or text u constantly but the entire time all they wish is that u were there together in person. thats friendship. its not superficial. and once u learn that it you find ur real sole mates.

i looooove :D

i love:

WE THE KINGS!

my bubba 

ASPACK

musicals

dancing

tapppppp

my other half

my international traveler

my aunnnntie

MER MER!
flip flooops

swimmin

tanning and the lines i get :D

sneak attacks from the one and only kay

snuggling in bed with my kindergarden bestie

my boy and its musical taste 

texting in bio

slippers

competition

this land is ur landdddddd!

victorias secret

candid pics

the beach

CHINESE yummmyyyy

banndiesss! ode to the instrument room...

aviators

chuuuucks! 

hpoop :P

my pointe shoesss

nonmatching socks

old friends

my claire...recently determined a boy named humphry

CHARLIE

sweatpants wednesday

school dances

hopeless romantics

bright colors

acting like i'm still in 5th grade :D

blue eyes

being completly geeky

being in looooooooove! 

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I have realized...

I have realized that u can't go through life pretending your happiness is there. You have to find it. You have to make it. You have to lead yourself. Nobody else is gonna hold your hand and make an announcement saying "ALL ABOARD THE HAPPINESS TRAIN!" so how do i get that train to stop for me? it seems like every time i get close to buying a ticket i miss it. or if i somehow mange to get on i get so confused about where to get off that i just end up right back where i started. so you let one person on and one person gets off. fair trade right? wrong! what if they don't hold the same value to you? then the person that got on can't fill that void left undoubtedly by the other person. so how do u patch it up? and what if all the seats are full? doesn't it seem like it would be easy enough to expand? add an extra car? but apparently not. there is never enough room but always some spaces that will never b filled. somebody left them, somebody got off, and i can't convince them to hop back on because they're gone and they don't care. They left and now i'm still here, forever staring at the seat that is destined to remind me of that person while they go on with life. So why do some people get a permanent seat on this train and mine keeps getting taken? just because i'm complicated...or maybe i make things complicated for myself but i want my seat!
ok big metaphor... geez...