I have realized...

I have realized that u can't go through life pretending your happiness is there. You have to find it. You have to make it. You have to lead yourself. Nobody else is gonna hold your hand and make an announcement saying "ALL ABOARD THE HAPPINESS TRAIN!" so how do i get that train to stop for me? it seems like every time i get close to buying a ticket i miss it. or if i somehow mange to get on i get so confused about where to get off that i just end up right back where i started. so you let one person on and one person gets off. fair trade right? wrong! what if they don't hold the same value to you? then the person that got on can't fill that void left undoubtedly by the other person. so how do u patch it up? and what if all the seats are full? doesn't it seem like it would be easy enough to expand? add an extra car? but apparently not. there is never enough room but always some spaces that will never b filled. somebody left them, somebody got off, and i can't convince them to hop back on because they're gone and they don't care. They left and now i'm still here, forever staring at the seat that is destined to remind me of that person while they go on with life. So why do some people get a permanent seat on this train and mine keeps getting taken? just because i'm complicated...or maybe i make things complicated for myself but i want my seat!
ok big metaphor... geez...