im sitting here in my infinite wisdom having fully completed my night of dance, homework, preparation for tomorrow, and my checklist (yes i actually make those- i know i know! so lame...) to a warm bed, fuzzy socks, and my favorite pair of oversized SJ gym shorts. i have realized that i am somewhat communication incompetent. i try so hard to keep in touch with people but fail miserably. i now live by my phone and texts and facebook to keep up with and track the daily happenings of the people i like, and even some that i don't. somehow i am in constant communication with them but never actually am. just like every other teen i'm so self absorbed that i could really care less what ur doing. what i have to do, where i need to be, how i did on this test, or when is that homework due is so much more important and i don't have the time or better yet energy to breath, stop, and talk. i simply let those moments fly by and most of the time miss important things- things i would want people to notice if it were me- like if i'm having a bad day or if i'm so upset or maybe really happy i want everybody else to notice but not visa verse.  i never really stop to type a long email to a friend so that we distance ourselves even though we could talk for hours if i gave up the time. i never really call a person just rejoice or console them through a text and what does that even help? i just can't find time in my busy checklist of a life for the people that really matter. i have lost perspective of that. the fact is that to know a person can become one of ur friends ur relationship cannot solely be based upon emails and facebook chats. the way u interact and bond with them IN PERSON is essential to friendship. friends can chat on facebook or text u constantly but the entire time all they wish is that u were there together in person. thats friendship. its not superficial. and once u learn that it you find ur real sole mates.

i looooove :D

i love:

WE THE KINGS!

my bubba 

ASPACK

musicals

dancing

tapppppp

my other half

my international traveler

my aunnnntie

MER MER!
flip flooops

swimmin

tanning and the lines i get :D

sneak attacks from the one and only kay

snuggling in bed with my kindergarden bestie

my boy and its musical taste 

texting in bio

slippers

competition

this land is ur landdddddd!

victorias secret

candid pics

the beach

CHINESE yummmyyyy

banndiesss! ode to the instrument room...

aviators

chuuuucks! 

hpoop :P

my pointe shoesss

nonmatching socks

old friends

my claire...recently determined a boy named humphry

CHARLIE

sweatpants wednesday

school dances

hopeless romantics

bright colors

acting like i'm still in 5th grade :D

blue eyes

being completly geeky

being in looooooooove! 

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I have realized...

I have realized that u can't go through life pretending your happiness is there. You have to find it. You have to make it. You have to lead yourself. Nobody else is gonna hold your hand and make an announcement saying "ALL ABOARD THE HAPPINESS TRAIN!" so how do i get that train to stop for me? it seems like every time i get close to buying a ticket i miss it. or if i somehow mange to get on i get so confused about where to get off that i just end up right back where i started. so you let one person on and one person gets off. fair trade right? wrong! what if they don't hold the same value to you? then the person that got on can't fill that void left undoubtedly by the other person. so how do u patch it up? and what if all the seats are full? doesn't it seem like it would be easy enough to expand? add an extra car? but apparently not. there is never enough room but always some spaces that will never b filled. somebody left them, somebody got off, and i can't convince them to hop back on because they're gone and they don't care. They left and now i'm still here, forever staring at the seat that is destined to remind me of that person while they go on with life. So why do some people get a permanent seat on this train and mine keeps getting taken? just because i'm complicated...or maybe i make things complicated for myself but i want my seat!
ok big metaphor... geez...

I am...

still trying to figure out how to make the batman symbol with my hands
in love with heathy!
defiantly harboring a hatred towards jokers
hopelessly obsessed with playing solitaire
hopelessly devoted to YOU
sock hopping in the poodle skirts of all poodle skirts
in awe of little cute poofy poodles and their boys :P
boycotting technology
not
in love with my phoney pooo
jolly
professing my infatuation with my funion
not showing any talent towards hula hooping
ex static about new years
looking forward to kicking some ddr toosh
feeling like i got cut in two
missing my beloved monster
wishing i had one of those gosh darn obnoxious yellow slickers
galoshes rock my socks off
never ever gonna change my unmatching socks
eternally grateful for one gal who changed my footwear forever
wondering if people are blinded by the sequins
thinking "oh dear jesus just don't look at the hats PLEASE!"
that painting with farmer and wife. hear me RAWR!
wishing on the mona lisa smiiiile
thinking that pics where u TRY to like a distorted alien are the best kind
remembering et and wishing he would really just GO HOME!
sipping away on the biggest spot of coffee know to mankind
singing
so long
farewell
alvedersain
good night
i hate to go and leave this pretty site
thinking u will turn my day upside down if u know what that is from :)

u know what else makes me mad...?
that ur so damn happy! and i'm here, waiting for u and
u.
don't.
even.
care.
that the things u say make my heart tighten and make me feel nauseous.
nope.
u just go on doing it because it makes YOU feel better.
i'm done caring about u.
lets.
talk.
about.
me.


or not.

freakin life

i really hope that no one reads this ne more cuz i'm about to spill...to a computer...hmmm...and it would be really sad if someone actually found it.
ok so i have problems, and i get that- i really do! i know that i have problems with:
dirty rooms
drinking
being in a relationships
being a perfectionist
singing too loud in the shower
being crazy and hyper so that ppl just can't handle me
saying the wrong thing
not wanting to talk about it
no believing in true love
not trying hard enough
not feeling worthy
hurting people
saying i'm sorry
being to opinionated
so u get it...like i know they are there but seriously, its not like i try to flaunt them in front of your face cuz i think its funny-its NEVER like that. i never mean to say something stupid but oh god there it goes, flying out of my mouth and i just can't take it back. i hate explaining things, it takes too long and sometimes its just none of u freakin business. i hate ppl telling me "well it was ur fault" "um hello? no it wasn't, u did it urself not me!" but somehow it always traces back to me-i mean i get it, i'll take it, i torment myself enough so don't u go doing it too cuz i just don't need it! i've got it- i know already, i don't need to be reminded over and over again about things that happened so long ago. and what is so wrong with wanting to stay in touch with someone after ur not together??? its not bc i want to mess with u or nething but there is part of me that will always love u and care but apparently thats just weird- which kinda fits my definition. i just want the world to stop blaming me and stop FIGHTING me! i can't handle it, not at all and every time i try it just sucks and i feel like i'm getting drowned. Expect i can't tell anybody this because i am the happy one, u know the girl that you see who's always laughing and having a fun time and who has perfect grades and supportive parents and a passion but i can't take it all myself- its just too much. too bad i can't spill with anybody because nobody gets it, no body is actually willing to sit there and listen to me and help. sure- they say they are but u try and see how it works out because in my experience it just doesn't. i can't get my friends or my parents or nebody to listen. i'm obviously just supposed to not feel nething since every time i try to tell them how angry or upset or just plain helpless i feel they just turn away like THEY can't handle it or just don't want to hear it. but how is that really friendship or whatever if u can't be there for the other person? i'm here, i want to listen, i want to help, but y does it feel like the world wants me to struggle by myself.
nobody. nothing. dead. blank. falling.
its just so complicated- i feel bad enough for everything i've done but right now i just need u; i don't need someone to kiss or someone to gossip with. i need someone who will be there and listen to me scream at the world, or to cry with or just to hang out with to get my mind of things. I DON'T NEED WHAT UR GIVING!!! ur always so critical me and how i'm not giving what u want to u but why dont u think about what i need? u don't and i don't understand y. its like i'm not enough, being myself isn't good enough. i've never had nebody who's made me cry as much as u have; i did it when i lost u and i'm doing it again because u keep hurting me and i keep coming back for more. i have never had nebody who blames me as much as u, never had someone who is so self centered and i feel like u don't care. BUT I CAN'T TELL U! bc u freak and i'm done with it. i cannot do it nemore. this is taking so much effort.
but...
i can't stop coming back and it confuses me. i wish life was simple and i wouldn't have to go through this and your just making it harder by pressuring me and being so mean and blunt. it scares me how much of what u say, feel, and think affects my moods. there is no way that i can be happy if i know ur not but i just shouldn't have to go through this.
ok...i'm better...akward TURTLE....

ohh randomness...

i have a bruise on my knee from hitting the barre in musical stage class in which i got my 180 in my back airabesque. woot.

really full of excitement.

about to go to bed- how sad.

won't be able to walk tomorrow.

still marveling over that mint cupcake from shanks that made my day.

trying to decide on an outfit  from tomorrow.

becoming obsessed with scarves and hats.

sad paige is at national convention millions of miles away.

gonna get a cramp.

KINKY. 

pe class.

favorite underwear day tomorrow.

hello victoria's secret!

i love my other half.

the electric blanket should be names best invention ever.

going through withdraw without project runway.

decided on an outfit.

its pretty cute.

actually have to shave tomorrow.

typing with fake nails.

pain.

in. 

butt.

ballet tomorrow.

and tap.

edit.

oh hot dang.

this is my jang.

keep me partyin till the a.ag.

y'all don't understang.

make me throw my hangs

in the AYER AYER AYER.

peace peeps.

i'm out.

HOMECOMING!!!!!!!!

ok so as i said before-its homecoming week which means DRESS UP DAYS!!!! which are the BOMBDIGITY because i don't have decided on an outfit everyday! so today is college apperal day so i'm all decked out in JMU!!! GO DUKES! and yesterday- yeah it was 80's day and i so brought it BACK!

i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
and that still doesn't seem like enough.

ATTENTION!!!!!!

please rate these because obviously i'm incapable of deciding on the one i like best and i have to turn ONLY ONE! in so HELP!!!!!!!!

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

and of course- IT'S HOMECOMING!!!!!!!! this week and i am SO happy just because didn't u hear me before-

ITS HOMECOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

crying over some awesome fan fiction...yep i'm a dork...

i have discoved ben lee and it is oh so amazing...

seriously- take a listen to him and u will fall in love...

ok - so i am a true believer in ballet and how calm it makes you feel! and we are doing partnering which makes me so FREAKING nervous cuz i swear i'm gonna fall flat on my face in pointe shoes! lmao! that would be so funnnny! hehehe! i seriously hate ballet but it does wonders to my stress level. Just gotta letitgoooo!
in
out
in
out





HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
APPLES!!!!!!!!!!
lmao! you wouldn't understand- its a BAND THING!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHH
AHHHH
AHH
obviously not the best of days...

SHERANDO HOMECOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wish me luck and good mooooves! lmao!

you know why i don't blog nemore??? i mean i check it but i don't write...
BECAUSE MY LIFE IS CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and i love it oddly enough. its like i run on this high speed and if u can't keep up then don't waste my precious (and i do mean VERY precious) time. i feel like i can't function if i don't have a million and one things to do all the time, its like i live for being out of my mind busy so i just keep signing up for committes and clubs and community service and leadership stuff and all that jazz which makes me obvioulsy stressed the majority of the time (ask anybody i hang out with- they will tell u true that i am CRAZY when i'm on a role) but i love it! until i hate it cuz i seriously cannot keep up with myself nemore!!!!!!
just got back from dance- sweaty and in lovvve with it!

so tired. totally wiped. oh bugger i cut my finger and i can't type. ouch. i feel out of it.

ice cream...all day...

getting ready to scoop ice cream for another long day! it should be fun fun! but my eyebrow hurts (and is really really red) from where somebody *cough pat cough* hit me in the head with the stupid ice cream cover thing! OUCH! but i'm ok...i guess...lmao! gonna get going!

going SHOPPING!!!! with cat and paigy!!!!!! AWESOMENESS!!!!!!